BEWARE: Woman with Purse!

With the start of school comes the start of band. The eldest swore he did not want to take band this year. I was disappointed...he had just received the "most improved" award at the end of last school year. He was so  happy and proud of himself! But he said he wanted to try the other courses and "take a break." Well, that lasted all of one week. As soon as the band teacher came in with all the instruments, he was wanting right back into band. He came home from school and announced, "Mom, I want to take band... you have to go to the band parent meeting tonight." (Why do I have to go to a meeting when HE is the one who wants to be in band?) But like the sucker I am...I went. I figured I better...what if Middle School Band is different from Elementary School Band? I met the new band teacher who would be teaching Concert Band, which is what my little drummer was signing up for. She was very nice and I liked her immediately. "What does your son play?" she inquired, with a hopeful look. "He plays the drums," I replied as her face fell. "I have five percussionists," she lamented, "But no brass...does he want to play the trumpet?" I explained to her how, in 4th grade, he wanted to play the trumpet...but he didn't have the lung capacity and almost passed out just from trying it. "Maybe he should try again!" she prompted. "No...I think he is set on the drums," I told her and went on to sign him up.

OK, so my purse isn't THIS huge...

As I was leaving I saw some fourth grade moms that I am friendly with. Since band isn't offered until a student is in 4th grade, I thought I would be helpful and tell them just how great the elementary band teacher is. As I was telling them how disappointed my son was when he couldn't play trumpet and how wonderful the teacher was, to help him find what would work for him...I felt my purse grabbed from behind and shoved forward. Was someone trying to steal my purse? I spun around and saw a woman sitting there with a scowl on her face, "You've been CLOCKING me in the head with that thing!" she snarled. "Omigosh!!! I am SO sorry!!" I responded. I was mortified. I had been talking with my hands and my purse was moving with me...and it is not a small purse..it is a big heavy purse! I continued to apologize profusely...to which she rolled her eyes and and looked away, not even acknowledging me...as if I wasn't worthy of her talking to me! Oh...well...that just made me surly...and before I could stop myself, I said..."well...you could have moved out of the way!" as I made a sliding over motion with my hand. (she had been sitting on a long picnic table style bench...we were in the school cafeteria) She glared at me and said..."My daughter was sitting there!" Now...I know I have a sharp tongue...and this could go one of two ways...one in which I say something very regrettable...or one in which I just leave and mumble snarky things under my breath. I chose the second way...perplexed at her reaction...and wondering why she didn't just move the heck out of the way or at least say, "Woo hoo...I'm here...!" I certainly wouldn't sit in my seat while some woman repeatedly smacked me in the head...

But now I had a new dilemma...this is a mom at school. And although I don't have kids the same age, I am sure I will run into her on the playground at drop off and pick up. I don't want any enemies...and I didn't mean to be rude...(I was only stating the obvious)...and I really was mortified that I had "clocked" her in the head...

So I went out of my way to find her a few days later on the playground. (I did see her every day and there is only so much ducking I can do) Which brings me to the place where I found myself chasing after her with an "excuse me, excuse me!" She turned and I said, "Hi...I am so sorry about the other day when I hit you with my purse!" (never in my life did I think I would be saying that line..) "I feel so bad...it was an accident!" She looked at me and very nicely said, "Oh, don't worry about it! It's OK!" Whew...I was so relieved...until she said..."I was just taken aback by your reaction." What? You mean where I profusely apologized? (I think I blurted that out loud) "when you said I should have moved over." And before I knew it, I was saying..."Oh, yes...well after I apologized and you rolled your eyes, I said that." She stared at me...what was happening? This wasn't supposed to go this way!! "I'm all about comic relief," I blustered, "Just trying to lighten things up! That's just my sense of humor!" This was not going well...and then...she said..."OH...you're so funny! What's your name?" I told her my first name...and she told me my last name. UH-OH... as it turns out she had sent me an email to invite me to a mutual friend's baby shower...whew! Glad we were having this conversation...what if I had let it go? That would be an uncomfortable shower. As it was, I wasn't carrying my purse at school for fear of startling her...

It turned out that I couldn't make the baby shower and sent her a text to let her know. Her response was classic, "I for one, will miss your sense of humor...and your purse!" OK...she and I are going to be just fine! With that one line...all is right in my mom world! I will just chalk it all up to a bad week...we all have them...In fact, I have run into her twice in the last week and she was friendly and lovely...I think we have bonded over the "purse incident".  (I did purchase a lighter weight purse...so no one should fear me now...)

By the way...a few days later, the eldest child came home and announced that he was switching instruments and would be going into beginning band. Saxophone, clarinet, trumpet...he wasn't sure.  As we stood in line to purchase his music book...he finally decided...Trombone!  Can't be any louder than drums......can it?

When Bangs and Eyebrows are Estranged

So, I have been dealing with a serious hair/eyebrow issue for the last month. And I would have written about it a month ago...but I didn't want my friends who read my blog, to stare and point at me...I had to wait until things grew out before I could point out the obvious...

I went to get my hair cut and colored... It had been three months...I couldn't wait any longer...I was starting to look like a cross between a skunk and a homeless hippie. Either look isn't good...while at the salon, I asked the gal if she could do my eyebrows.  They were starting to look like caterpillars.."I just need the stray hairs at the bottom removed," I said.  She grabbed the hot wax and got right to work. As she was about halfway through the left eyebrow, she said, "Hang on a second, I need my glasses."  "Glasses?  She needs GLASSES?" I screamed in my head...She slipped on her glasses and made quick work of the next eyebrow..but then she lingered...and went back to the first...and then back to the other one. I started to feel uneasy...it shouldn't take this long...something is wrong. But when I looked in the mirror, they looked OK...way too thin...but OK...

(photo from web)

It wasn't until I got out to the car and looked in the visor mirror, did I see the horror, that used to be my eyebrow! "Omigosh! What have I done?" Not only were my eyebrows painfully thin, but half the left eyebrow was missing...and not the good half...the half you want! So now my eyebrows are really wide apart, because the left one starts at about the middle of my eye! Well, I couldn't go anywhere like that, so I came home to take a shower and add some eyebrows.  I used my really cool eyebrow powder, complete with wax that gives them texture...but when I looked in the mirror, it wasn't good. In fact it was so bad, it was funny. So I came out to show the husband, just how silly I looked, "I have ANGRY EYES!" I announced! Sitting on the couch, he looked over his shoulder at me...he stared for a moment and replied, "You look surprised! Are you surprised to see me?" ARGH! He wasn't supposed to agree with me!! So here I am, a cross between Mr. Potato Head from Toy Story and a woman who just used too much botox in her forehead, leaving her with a perpetually surprised look.

(web photo)

As if it wasn't bad enough, I realized that my bangs were too short. I  tried to finesse them down to meet my clown-like eyebrows...but they will not cooperate. It's a double edged sword. If I sweep them to the side, they look halfway decent...but then my eyebrows are obvious... Of course this all happens when I have major events going on. Fundraisers, First Holy Communion, company on the way. I am dying over the photos of me. My bangs make me look like I am five years old...and my eyebrows just look silly! I may want to hide those photos...

My self esteem has really been taking some hits lately... Last week, I had on a camisole, with a sweater over it. Perfect for the cool morning...but not so great when I went to pick the kids up from school. I kept the sweater on until I got home...and shed it at the door. I had planned to go upstairs to change, but hadn't made it up stairs yet, when our brutally honest 6 year old looked at me and said, "Eww...GROSS, MOM!" "What?" I said, startled. "You need to change your top!" Well, now my feelings are just hurt...I thought my girl would like me no matter what my shape...and that she didn't really notice.  "I can see your bra through your shirt!" EWWWW!  Nice...and if that isn't bad enough...

I was going through the kids' school papers, weeding them out to see what to keep and what to throw away. I came across a really cute art project done by the middle son...at least I thought it was cute until I actually read it..."My brother is grand. He is 10 years old and has brown hair. He is strong and tall and has tan skin color. He has blue eyes." It's accompanied by a drawing of his big brother. "How cute," I think.

The next panel is about his sister: "My little sister rocks. She is 6 years old and has tan skin color. She is strong. She has brown hair and blue eyes. She is small and is loud." OK..still good...she IS loud. The last panel is of mom and dad. I anticipate the wonderful things he says about us: "My mom and dad both have tan skin color and they're both large. They have blonde and brown hair and they have blue eyes." WHOA...wait a minute...back up! "They have tan skin color and they're both LARGE?" What the heck? Really? That's what he came up with? By large, he better mean tall! Besides...if it wasn't for the THREE kids, I wouldn't have weight issues...cut a mom some slack!

The middle son's artwork

It's one thing for me to be hard on myself...I don't need any other commentary, please! The only saving grace came when I drove for the 6 year old's field trip. I was given two little girls from another class, whose driver backed out at the last minute. They were cute and polite and full of compliments. "Your mom is so nice." "Your mom is kind and funny." "I really like your mom...almost as much as I like my own mom!" And then came the best..."Your mom is so pretty!" OK...that made my day. I turned to the two newcomers..."You can ride with me on a field trip any time!"