When Bangs and Eyebrows are Estranged

So, I have been dealing with a serious hair/eyebrow issue for the last month. And I would have written about it a month ago...but I didn't want my friends who read my blog, to stare and point at me...I had to wait until things grew out before I could point out the obvious...

I went to get my hair cut and colored... It had been three months...I couldn't wait any longer...I was starting to look like a cross between a skunk and a homeless hippie. Either look isn't good...while at the salon, I asked the gal if she could do my eyebrows.  They were starting to look like caterpillars.."I just need the stray hairs at the bottom removed," I said.  She grabbed the hot wax and got right to work. As she was about halfway through the left eyebrow, she said, "Hang on a second, I need my glasses."  "Glasses?  She needs GLASSES?" I screamed in my head...She slipped on her glasses and made quick work of the next eyebrow..but then she lingered...and went back to the first...and then back to the other one. I started to feel uneasy...it shouldn't take this long...something is wrong. But when I looked in the mirror, they looked OK...way too thin...but OK...

(photo from web)

It wasn't until I got out to the car and looked in the visor mirror, did I see the horror, that used to be my eyebrow! "Omigosh! What have I done?" Not only were my eyebrows painfully thin, but half the left eyebrow was missing...and not the good half...the half you want! So now my eyebrows are really wide apart, because the left one starts at about the middle of my eye! Well, I couldn't go anywhere like that, so I came home to take a shower and add some eyebrows.  I used my really cool eyebrow powder, complete with wax that gives them texture...but when I looked in the mirror, it wasn't good. In fact it was so bad, it was funny. So I came out to show the husband, just how silly I looked, "I have ANGRY EYES!" I announced! Sitting on the couch, he looked over his shoulder at me...he stared for a moment and replied, "You look surprised! Are you surprised to see me?" ARGH! He wasn't supposed to agree with me!! So here I am, a cross between Mr. Potato Head from Toy Story and a woman who just used too much botox in her forehead, leaving her with a perpetually surprised look.

(web photo)

As if it wasn't bad enough, I realized that my bangs were too short. I  tried to finesse them down to meet my clown-like eyebrows...but they will not cooperate. It's a double edged sword. If I sweep them to the side, they look halfway decent...but then my eyebrows are obvious... Of course this all happens when I have major events going on. Fundraisers, First Holy Communion, company on the way. I am dying over the photos of me. My bangs make me look like I am five years old...and my eyebrows just look silly! I may want to hide those photos...

My self esteem has really been taking some hits lately... Last week, I had on a camisole, with a sweater over it. Perfect for the cool morning...but not so great when I went to pick the kids up from school. I kept the sweater on until I got home...and shed it at the door. I had planned to go upstairs to change, but hadn't made it up stairs yet, when our brutally honest 6 year old looked at me and said, "Eww...GROSS, MOM!" "What?" I said, startled. "You need to change your top!" Well, now my feelings are just hurt...I thought my girl would like me no matter what my shape...and that she didn't really notice.  "I can see your bra through your shirt!" EWWWW!  Nice...and if that isn't bad enough...

I was going through the kids' school papers, weeding them out to see what to keep and what to throw away. I came across a really cute art project done by the middle son...at least I thought it was cute until I actually read it..."My brother is grand. He is 10 years old and has brown hair. He is strong and tall and has tan skin color. He has blue eyes." It's accompanied by a drawing of his big brother. "How cute," I think.

The next panel is about his sister: "My little sister rocks. She is 6 years old and has tan skin color. She is strong. She has brown hair and blue eyes. She is small and is loud." OK..still good...she IS loud. The last panel is of mom and dad. I anticipate the wonderful things he says about us: "My mom and dad both have tan skin color and they're both large. They have blonde and brown hair and they have blue eyes." WHOA...wait a minute...back up! "They have tan skin color and they're both LARGE?" What the heck? Really? That's what he came up with? By large, he better mean tall! Besides...if it wasn't for the THREE kids, I wouldn't have weight issues...cut a mom some slack!

The middle son's artwork

It's one thing for me to be hard on myself...I don't need any other commentary, please! The only saving grace came when I drove for the 6 year old's field trip. I was given two little girls from another class, whose driver backed out at the last minute. They were cute and polite and full of compliments. "Your mom is so nice." "Your mom is kind and funny." "I really like your mom...almost as much as I like my own mom!" And then came the best..."Your mom is so pretty!" OK...that made my day. I turned to the two newcomers..."You can ride with me on a field trip any time!"

Mother's Day Apologies From a Former Know-it-All

 Today is Mother's Day. And I want to acknowledge all the wonderful mothers in my life. I also want to apologize to most of them for the stupid things I said to them before I had children...back when I was a complete know-it-all about having kids...and yet I did not have kids!

First I want to apologize to my oldest sister. The one who started having kids, when I was still a kid. She had four boys by the time I was 20 years old...in the prime of my supreme know-it-all years. She would come over to our folk's house to visit and pull up to the curb in her minivan. As the kids would slide open the door, all their junk would come flying out. Toys, papers, crayons..you name it. I used to think, "How could someone have so much stuff in their car?" My car had nothing in it...just my backpack that I took to and from school. I just did not understand how it was possible to drive around with so much junk....oh, if I only knew then...fast forward 20 years...here I am driving around in a vehicle that looks like I live in it!  On Monday, the kids pile the car with their stuffed animals for the ride to school. On Tuesday, the boys bring books to read and the youngest grabs paper and markers. By Friday, it looks like a family of raccoons have moved into the vehicle and they've been living there for months! I'm afraid to pull up to the car lane at school, for fear of what will fall out of the car, when the teacher opens the door for the kids.

The second sister has three kids. The two oldest are only about 18 months apart. I remember when they were little, she would complain about not having time to exercise. I was appalled! "How could you not find time to work out?" She was a stay-at-home Mom after all...I mean, what was she doing all day? Watching soap operas and eating Bon Bons? I was a personal trainer and aerobics instructor at the time. Working out was my LIFE! "Work out after the kids go to bed!" I would command. She would tell me how tired she and her husband were. I just didn't get it...until now.  Here I am, overweight and in need of a workout...By the time my night owls go to bed, it's all I can do, to drag my sorry carcass to the couch. There is no way I can work out at night. Just more proof that I did not know what the heck I was talking about!

The third sister has two sons. I can't recall what advice gems I dropped on her over the years, but I am sure they were doozies. I think I graced her with all sorts of advice from how to discipline her boys to what  she should be eating. I realize now, that I knew nothing...currently, my two boys are wrestling on the floor and the youngest is jumping on the couch as I am telling them to get down and they completely ignore me. Clearly, my discipline skills are lacking!

Then there's my Mom. Raised four girls and made it look easy. I don't think we ever appreciate our mothers so much as when we have children of our own! When we were kids, we were always looking for ways to put one over on her. I can remember sneaking down the hall and crawling behind the couch, to watch TV. If we laid on our stomachs, we could peek around the corner and see it. The minute she moved a muscle, we would scramble back to bed, only to crawl out again. Now, I am facing the same situation. The kids silently creep down the stairs and duck down behind the couch, peeking over my shoulder to watch TV. Drives me crazy! I'm sorry for doing that to you, Mom. I'm even sorrier that my kids are doing it to ME!

Here is what I DO know...Motherhood is the toughest job I've ever had...and the best job I've ever had! It's not glamorous, at all, and if someone tells you it is, they are LYING! Being a stay-at-home mom is not the fun thing, I thought it would be. There is no time for soap operas, and who can afford bon bons?  Life is different when you are a mom...but it's a good different! (And I wouldn't trade it for anything!)

If my 20-something self, could see my 40-something self, she would be appalled. "What have you done to me?" she would exclaim in disgust. And I can see her point...out of shape, capri pants, t-shirt, flip flops, too-thin eyebrows and really short bangs... "This is your future, sister!" I would say, "Take a long hard look..."You think you know everything right now...but just you wait...you don't know anything about having kids...and after you have them and think you REALLY have all the answers...your kids will show you that you STILL don't know anything!"

Happy Mother's Day, Mommies! CHEERS!