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Sunday, April 1, 2012

April 1st...My FAVORITE day!

Everyone has a favorite holiday...some people love Christmas, some love Easter....I love all of the holidays...but I live for April Fool's Day! I plot and I plan...The pranks of April Fool's go back to my childhood. The one year my mom served us steak and eggs for breakfast...I eagerly cut into my steak...anticipated the wonderful flavors...ACK! It wasn't steak...it was LIVER! Good one, Mom! It's OK...I got her back by bringing coffee to her bedside...except it wasn't coffee...it was prune juice!

In high school, I made up outlandish stories about how we were going to have to wear jumpsuit uniforms, wait until we are 18 before we can get a driver's license and how the high school was being rebuilt to include a revolving cafeteria. Man, my friends were so gullible.  My roommates were my victims in college, and now they don't answer the phone if I call on April 1st.

In my waitressing days, we would unscrew the salt and pepper lids, so when the other waitstaff went to use them the seasoning would dump out on their food. That did not make us popular with our co-workers.... When I worked for a builder, we were building homes on the side of a mountain, overlooking the ocean. One April Fool's Day, I called the construction superintendent and told him a home buyer reported a deer stuck in the culvert in the ravine. Ten men were dispatched to go look for it. They would call and check in saying they couldn't find it..."keep looking," I would say. After about 45 minutes I gave in and on their next call they said, "we can't find it." I replied, "oh...maybe you can't find it because it's APRIL FOOL'S!" The words that came through the phone....I hung up and locked the door, just in case they tried to get even.

My reputation is so notorious that my mother and sisters pick up the phone with, "I know it's April Fool's Day, so don't even think about it." DARN IT...they have taken the wind out of my sails for sure.

For the past 10 years, I have woken up my husband with, "OMIGOSH! The dog has crapped all over the floor downstairs. Multiple rooms..it's disgusting!!" Every year he leaps out of bed, cursing and stumbles downstairs to see the mess...I make him go from room to room, searching for it. When he finally looks confused, I say, "APRIL FOOL'S!!" doubling over with laughter at the thought of getting him yet again. I was having a good run...and then it happened...he caught on! Last year, I did my yearly, "Omigosh!..." only to have him finish with..."the dog pooped on the floor....yeah, yeah...April Fool's..." and then pulled the covers up and rolled over. Oh....defeated!

So last year I took it easy on everyone. I gave the kids' rice cakes for breakfast...they stared at the lonely dry rice cake in disbelief..."Try it," I said, "It's all we have." The middle child took a bite and shook his head, "Disgusting!" he exclaimed. The other two took a nibble and looked at me in desperation. I quickly gave in.  But that was it...my only joke. My big joke was no joke. While everyone sat by their phones, waiting for the inevitable...I never called. Their day was fraught with anticipation...only to not have it come. Victory was mine!


But it's a new year and again I am ready to try my best! I slept in late and missed the whole dog poop opportunity...but I did get the oldest son when he was getting ready for church. I came in to "help" him choose something to wear. "It's Palm Sunday," I told him. "This is the day when all the boys wear shorts and tank tops to mass."  I threw a pair of shorts at him, "I don't see a tank top in your drawer, so wear this," and handed him a red tank top of his sister's. He already had the shorts on and took one look at the shirt. "no way Mom!!" I am not wearing that!" he said in dismay. "You have to...it's the rule," I said, slipping the top over his head. "Now go show your Dad and see what he thinks." He stepped out into the hall as his dad rounded the corner. "That looks good," said Dad. The poor kid ran back to his room. "I can't wear this!" As he started to stress out about it, his Dad nodded at me to let him in on the prank. (Darn...it was just getting good!) "OK...you don't have to wear it...because it's APRIL FOOL'S!" He looked at me with shock and disbelief...and then broke into a grin as he threw his head back and laughed....and laughed...until he doubled over....SUCCESS!


I got the next kid by telling him that no one had catechism today, but him. In fact he has a two hour catechism and would miss his playdate because of it. But as I saw the obvious dismay on his face and the tears coming, I quickly said "April Fool's" and was rewarded with a huge grin and a giggle.

The husband is a harder sell...I have been wracking my brain all afternoon. I finally decided on a prank. I put a rubberband around the spray nozzle at the kitchen sink. So if he turns on the faucet, the nozzle will spray him right in the gut. "hee, hee...I am brilliant," I think to myself. It's doubtful he will fall for it...the rubberband is bright green and the faucet is bronze...but still it's worth a shot. He came in to the kitchen and stood looking at the TV. I was dying to stay and watch...but didn't want to be obvious. About a minute later, I hear, "Son of a #@$%!! You got me!" HURRAY FOR ME!! I got him! I'm back! I've got my mojo!

We are on our way to a friend's house, so I guess I will put away my pranks for now. But when we get home, the kids will find their light switches taped down and won't be able to turn on the lights in their rooms...and when they go to brush their teeth, they will find mayonnaise instead of toothpaste...Whee...this day just keeps getting better and better!!!




4 comments:

  1. I ran into my teenagers' rooms at the crack of dawn and screamed "Hurry up! You're late for school!" and was rewarded with everyone freaking out until I added "April Fool's" Considering we went to Saturday night mass & they actually could've slept in, I'm still not very popular this evg he he

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  2. Hilarious, Wendy! I thought about doing that to my kids...but I didn't want them up! :)

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