NOT A Morning Person!

It's no secret that I am not a morning person. I never claimed to be...although, there was that year that I went to the gym every morning at 5:30am...but I can hardly count that...I didn't enjoy being up that early...it was still dark out...I was a "poser"...I didn't mean it, and secretly I was still staying up late at night, to retain my "night owl" status...oh, if my workout buddies only knew... the joke ended up being on me as I finally pooped out and at this point could only get up at that hour if the house were on fire or Publisher's Clearing House was on the front porch with my million dollar check!

No, I am not a morning person, and apparently neither are my children. Kind of sad, really. My husband is a morning person...or at least he was when I met him...He used to get up at 5am, play racquetball, work all day and still come home and be in a great mood! Must have been that he went to bed at a decent hour...but years of marriage to me has corrupted him. And although he strives to be a morning person, he follows my lead and stays up much too late to be the chipper morning person of his youth. (Sorry honey!)

If only I WERE a morning person, the "get the kids to school routine" would be SO much easier...As it is, most mornings do not go well for me. Getting the three kids up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, lunches made, jackets out, backpacks filled, shoes tied, hair combed...is all a bit overwhelming. Oh sure, they are all old enough to do most of this themselves..and in THEORY it is a lovely thing. But I am learning to expect the unexpected... like the middle child telling me, "oh my thermos leaks now".  He couldn't tell me this yesterday, when I could have done something about it? Or the oldest asking me where his binoculars are since he is going on a nature walk with his class...What? I don't have time to look for them! Let's not forget.."I need to bring a share today!" and the grief that comes from searching for something "Share-worthy". Even when we are all ready and heading for the door...the little one will announce she has to go to the bathroom...again!

Today, we were doing fairly well....almost on schedule...when I wrecked it! Kids were finally in the car, I stopped in the kitchen to grab some ibuprofen for my back, since I was going to work out after dropping the kids off. I reached for the medicine basket and had to give it a tug..it seemed to be stuck...I pulled harder and sticky red liquid starting pouring out of the bottom of the basket...oh no! I couldn't just put it back...I grabbed it and ran across the kitchen to the sink, leaving a trail of red. I turned around to rush back to the cupboard, slipped on the red goo and slid across the floor, spreading goo as I went and cartwheeling my arms for balance. My mess had just gotten bigger. I mopped up what I could in the cupboard, checked the basket and retrieved the culprit...a leaking bottle of cough syrup...cleaned up the floor and headed for the car. Well, that wasted 5 minutes that we didn't have. (Sometimes I feel like my life is just one big episode of "I Love Lucy!")

OK, in the car, backing out of the driveway, I ask..."Does everyone have what they need? Backpacks? Lunches?  Do you have your share?" No...no share.  Back in the house he goes....alright NOW we are ready. I glance over my shoulder at everyone...What is that on the little one's sweater sleeve? UGH...it is FILTHY!  ARGGGHHH! She can't wear that. "Take of your sweater," I demand. She stares at me with large eyes. "Your sleeve...it's dirty." She spends the next valuable minute inspecting her sleeves, but of course it is on the other side of her arm and she can't bend it that way to look. "Take my word for it! You will have to just wear a jacket today...no sweater." As she tries to wiggle out of her sweater, I look at the clock and feel my blood pressure rising. We'll never make it, I think. Another tardy slip...noooo....!

On our way...there is a slim chance that we can do this. Oh wait, is that a red light? Darn...I needed that light to be green...Ok, we're still Ok...oh look, another red light! Awesome! And that is the way the whole trip to school went... Red light after red light. OK...we will be right under the wire, we are going to make it!... As long as there is no train! TRAIN!! $#@%! That's it! We are officially going to be late! I turn to the kids and say, "Sorry guys...we are going to be late...there is no doubt.

Three red lights, two stop signs, a slow jaywalker and a driver in front of us going 15 miles below the speed limit later...we arrive at school. We head for the office to get the tardy slips. The cheerful receptionist no longer needs to ask the kids their names...and with filled-out tardy slips, hugs and secret kisses.. I send the kids to class.

 "Whew! Glad that's over," I think to myself as I start up the car and pull out of the parking lot. I head for my workout as the "low fuel" light comes on..."no problem...I will just pull into the gas station on my way"...Or I would...if I had not forgotten my WALLET!! And so it goes...