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Thursday, February 9, 2012

Why do we have bad words if we can't say them?

My kids are a source of constant entertainment...well...they're constant anyway...
Yesterday, the oldest (at the ripe old age of 10...excuse me...10 and a HALF) was standing with some friends as they told me what song they are playing in band, "Star Wars theme" they told me. "No way!! Shut UP!" I said with a grin. Now...I didn't say, "shuddap"! or "shut up"! I said it like "Elaine" on "Seinfeld".... and thought nothing of it.

As we started the drive home, he pipes up..."Mom, you told me to SHUT UP!" What? I didn't remember saying that...(there are times I would like to yell it...but no...didn't say that)  Really? When did I say that? He went on to explain that I had...indeed said it. I tried to explain myself.  "I'm sorry...I was joking around. Next time I will say, "Shut the front door!" He seemed to like that, and as I started to pat myself on the back, so proud of how I got out of that...the six year old piped up with a "Shut the FREAKING door!" Ohhhh....I need a drink!

The six year old...the youngest...and a girl! She is something else. So loving and sweet. Fun and funny...demanding and bossy... I can only imagine what adolescence will be like. Whee! She has been on a roll lately. So quiet at school. So polite at school. Last year, she went 6 months without uttering a word to her teacher. Now at least she participates. She is so shy and reserved at school...but at home...she lets loose. And lately she has had some very colorful language!

A few weeks ago, I was cooking dinner as my little sweetheart sat in the family room watching T.V.  Pretty soon, I looked up to see her jumping on the couch. "Please don't jump on the couch," I told her. She continued...again I told her in a firmer voice, "Stop jumping on the couch!"...still jumping and grinning from ear-to-ear, she looked at me and said two four-letter words! Not ONE..but TWO...AND she strung them together to make one long filthy word! I was stunned into silence and looked at her like a deer in the headlights as she giggled and bounced on the couch.  As my brain started to engage, a little voice in my head told me, "Don't react!"...so I very calmly and cooly explained that we do not talk like that. (Now, I know you want to know exactly what she said...all I can tell you is that one is something you step in...and the other word, well the other word...polite ladies do not say...but teenage boys do!)

Undaunted, she continued her trampoline act...looking at me the whole time. Stifling a laugh...I told her to get down. "JACKASS!" she yelled. Omigosh!! WHAT?  Seriously? If I had water in my mouth, it would have been the perfect "spit-take"! As I stared in disbelief, trying to hide a serious guffaw behind my hand, she yelled: "A-S-S!   A-S-S!    A-S-S!"  Now, this could have gone one of two ways...but I kept my extreme composure and said, "That's right! It's in the Bible. Jesus rode an ass."  Well, that did the trick...took the wind right out of her sails.

I ignored her and continued with dinner prep, as she lost interest and sat down. Whew! I thought to myself...cussing crisis averted!...or is it? Now...where did I put that cooking sherry?

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