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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Payback?

God gave us children to keep us humble...and to pay us back for the embarrassing and/or bratty things we did to our own mothers.
Take our youngest...trailing behind me at the grocery store, singing "How Dry I Am..." at the top of her lungs. I love the looks I get from the other shoppers as she staggers and uses her best drunk voice. I shrug and grin at the people who give me little smiles...eventually, I get disapproving looks and end up pretending I don't know who she is...maybe even saying, "I don't know who the drunk little girl is...her parents should be ashamed."...
I think it's all payback from when I used to trail my oldest sister around, yelling, "Mom! Mommy! MOM!"...I was probably 13 and she was 26 or so...and not too thrilled with me. She would try to ditch me or tell people that "I've never seen this girl before"...ah...good times...!

At the age of three, our oldest was quite a talker. I'll never forget coming to pick him up at his nice little preschool, when the director pulled me aside. "Your son taught everyone some new words today." I didn't catch on, and feeling very proud, I said, "Oh! Really? How fun! What did he say?" "G*d Damn it!" she said without a hint of amusement...I felt myself willing my body to disappear as she stared at me. "Hmm...I am shocked. I wonder where he could have heard such a thing?"  Of course I knew EXACTLY where he heard it, Daddy! Daddy's in charge of driving him to school every day and admitted that his language is quite colorful as he critiques the other drivers' abilities.

When we were kids, there were two rambunctious (read devilish) little boys who lived up the street. One day, they came into our yard and the little one stood in front of my dad, looked up and said, "Why are you so FAT?" I can't remember what my dad said in return, but I am pretty sure that he taught them some fun new words that day.  I would be SO appalled if my kids ever said something like that to someone...(other than me). At least my kids are nice about it..."I like your big butt, mommy!" they say as the grab onto my belt loops dance behind me, singing, "I Like Big Butts", in a conga line around the house. It's all well and good at home, but there have been more than one rendition of the big butt dance performed outside our home, which always proves to be very entertaining for everyone but me!

I think my husband is a little more sensitive about it, then I am. Maybe that's because he is in good shape and really looks good...This morning he came downstairs without a shirt on. (He was "ironing" his shirt in the dryer) As he helped get breakfast for the kids, the middle one pipes up..."Ew Dad! That's gross!" "What do you mean, 'gross'? You walk around here without a shirt on all the time!" he replied. "Yeah, but I am little and I sit down so you can't see me. You are around the food!"  I snickered to myself as I watched the exchange...Daddy stalked out of the room and returned a short time later with a windbreaker zipped to the neck...

It's OK...I do my best to embarrass them every chance I get. The youngest is still little enough to not be affected by it...but the boys...well, all I have to do is give them a big hug and a big kiss on the playground as they head for their class lines. They are mortified and try to get away from me. Kind of reminds me of when Pepe LePew tries to kiss the cat that looks like a skunk..they can't get away from me fast enough.

I'm sure I can come up with lots more embarrassing things to do to them as they get older and actually care what other people think of them. I may even ask my sisters to share what they did to their kids... But for now, I will be content with our congo lines and entertaining new words...and maybe the husband and I can think of some more good ones over a nice bottle of wine.

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